I haven't been blogging much lately. I feel like I am running on spiritual "E" and I need to stop at a filling station.
There is a lot going on, including my niece having serious heart surgery this Thursday morning.
I have also been feeling very dissilusioned with....lots of things. I have been in an endless battle with falsity and half-truths. I've been struggling and seeking for truth, truth, truth, as long as I can remember. But I am feeling tired and fatigued in this battle. From personal pursuits to national policy and all of that, I just don't know about some things sometimes.
I've pretty much always been personally invested in "Politics" but it is now such a circus show that I don't even know if I care anymore. I mean, I care, but I don't see any place to stand or any leader to support....i know I believe in righteousness and holiness and fer of God in our nation. But that's about all I know now, and I don't see much hope in any of our leaders.
But more importantly, the Church. Not my local Church, I mean like all of us, all the churches, the Christians...what is going on? I don't know. It seems to be as much of a circus as the rest of the Nation. I hear preachers ranting about the old paths, and fundamentalism, etc. But somehow, I have this feeling that there is something missing and somehow many are not on that same old path they claim they're talking about. Half of these egotistical, ranting, strutting speakers wouldn't even be fit to tie the shoe of Lester Roloff or D.L. Moody or Oliver B. Green.
There seems to be two camps right now, one is the camp of rebellious, bad-mouthing, liberal-minded, wackados who think that all the Old Fashioned Christians are nothing more than cult-members.
The other side, rants and raves about the old paths, fundamentalism, standards and bad attitudes, but somehow, I sense that they are also off track and seriously lacking something that I know I grew up with that is no longer so easy to find. Was it the way we were dressed that made the chruch what it used to be? Somehow I don't think so, because the dres hasn't changed, but something has certainly changed over the years, something has been lost and replaced by a bad attitude, arrogance and inner-loathing for anyone who talks or walks a little different than us....
So are these my two choices? its either ur with us or against us, eh?
I'll admit it right now, I don't have the answers. I wish I did. But I am honest enough to say now, that I am sensing that something is radically wrong with us right now. I am searching for what is real, and what is going to help me and keep me right. And no shallow answers are going to help me, getting my hair cut right and ironing my clothes and wearing a cool tie, is not gona help my soul, and singing bubble-gum songs to Jesus, following the bouncing ball and reading paperback novels about sissy Church-people meeting spirits in a cabin isn't gonna do it either. A lot of people are on some kind of crusade right now. And they think theyre setting everything straight. Well, although i agree there is some kind of problem among us, I do not think that most of the big mouths are part of the solution, if anything theyre part of the problem. SO I won't add my voice to any crusade right now, because sadly, I don't have a platform right now. All I know is that I am vexed and unhappy and disturbed about where we are today in Christianity...and I need a genuine spiritual move to help me.
Perhaps all of us, in every camp, need to stop and be quiet for a while and ask ourselves where it is that we have divurged from the true path that we were supposed to be on, the old paths, not just the old paths that we like to yell about and think were cool, but the actual old paths that the scriptures were talking about, not just some man-made preferences but some Spirit convictions.
I really am vexed, I'm not trying to make a statement and prove anything. I'm just expressing myself in my dsicouragement so if anyone has some real help or sincere thoughts on this matter, I'd love to hear ur thoughts.